Why I Love You

How do you know when a man is right for you?
Honestly, you will just know.  You will be able to tell by his mannerisms and the way that he looks at you.  The way he talks to you, the way he pays attention to every single word you say.  It'll be in his laughter and his attention to detail.  It'll be in the atmosphere when he is around you.  A man who makes you a better woman, a better sister, a better daughter and the perfect future mother.  You will realize he is right for you when he makes you stronger emotionally, physically, and mentally.  He will empower you and bring you closer to God.  He will make you feel better about yourself.  You will learn to love yourself and he will become the half that you have been missing.  He will become your teacher, your best friend and your soul mate.  You will know he is right for you the moment he walks through the door and your heart finally rests with peace.

My Kind of Relationship:
I love being in the type of relationship where you're totally comfortable around each other, and there's no pressure to act a certain way, there's no awkward moments, you can be weird and lazy when you're together, make fun of each other, tickle each other, and then just laugh it off like you're best friends because you are.  A relationship where you call each other nicknames and there is lots of laughing involved in the time you spend together, but you can also be serious.  You can just be yourself with the comfort of knowing that's what the other person loves the most, that's true love.

 The Top 25 Reasons Why I Love You:

1. The way you stand by my side
2. The way you always find a new way to "wow" me
3. The way you always look deep into my eyes
4. The way you make my heart melt with your soft lips
5. The way you never let my hands go
6. The way you are always watching out for me
7. The way you always make sure I have everything I need
8. The way you act like a dork but make me laugh
9. The way you're not embarrassed to say or do anything in front of me
10. The way you can drive hours just to see me for a few hours
11. The way you love me like no other
12. The way I turn you on, without me doing anything
13. The way you are able to just speak your mind
14. You are not afraid to tell me your feelings
15. You can cry in front of me without being shy or embarrassed
16. You are honest with me
17. You have an amazing smile
18. You have helped me come to know God better
19. You think I am beautiful
20. You cherish our relationship
21. You are perfectly imperfect
22. You are always working hard for what you think is best
23. You don't care what others think
24. When you watch "Game of Thrones" with me
25. Your award winning "best butt" 

I Make This Solemn Promise To You:

To be your lover when you need to be loved,

your doctor when you are ill,

your army when you go to war,

your umbrella when life rains down on you,

your rock when you get weary,

your shield when you need defense,

your spirit when you are drained,

your pillow when you need to rest,

your voice when no one can hear you,

your ear when no one will listen,

your comfort when you feel pain,

your hero when you are under duress,

your sunshine when darkness falls,

your answer when questions arise,

your inspiration to overcome obstacles,

your hand to hold when you are frightened,

your kiss that wakes you everyday,

and your "I love you" each and every night.

It's You:

It's you.  You're the one I want.  You're the one I want to come home to after a bad day at work.  You're the one I want to roll over to in the middle of the night and wake up next to everyday, for the rest of my life.  You're the one I want to go on late night runs with for food, just because we wanted to get out of the house.  You're the one I want to take on cute little dates like to a movie, or to a nice fancy dinner, or to an early breakfast before we have to go our separate ways for the day.  You're the one I want to take on cute all day dates to things like aquariums, and zoos, and amusement parks.  You're the one I want to go on fun, exhilarating adventures with, such as a day at the lake, or a hike through the woods, or even just a late night walk when everything is quiet.  You're the one I want to stay in with for the night and build a cute little fort while we watch movies under it and eat our favorite foods.  You're the one I want to make happy for the rest of my life.  You're the one I want to be there for when everything in your world comes crashing down.  All of my good days and all of my bad days, you're the one I want to spend them with.  It's you.  You're it.  You're the one.  And I swear to you, I have never been so sure about someone or something in my entire life. It's you, and I say this without a single doubt in my mind.

I can't wait to marry you, my love and then we will start our family.

My Life in Recovery

Hey all,

It has definitely been awhile since I have posted anything.  I am going to start being more positive about everything and looking forward to my future instead of regretting all of the decisions I have made in my past.  I would like to explain my life in the last year.
I went from Grand Blanc, Michigan to Flint, Michigan to the New Path Sober House where I stayed for five days detoxing off of opiods and alcohol.  I went to Flint Odyssey House on January 16th and stayed until August 16th.
They were able to set for me a new structured schedule, a new way of living life without turning to the negativity because I could not cope with everyday stresses and disappointments.  I will be eleven months clean and sober in two days! With that being said, my sober date is Christmas Day and I will always remember that.
I gotta give a huge thank you to my Odyssey family and if you are reading this, thank you for everything you did for me.  I don't know how I can repay you back except to live the best life that I know how to.

Family Life

I currently stay with my mother in Utah and I am so happy to have a better relationship with her and the rest of my family.  I have a therapist I see every week and a trauma group I attend every week as well.  I have a regular care physician, a dentist and I plan on getting an eye exam soon.

Most of you already know that I had my first visit in almost 6 years with my oldest son Aiden, who will be 10 years old in April.  He was very nervous to come into our home as was I but I told him that I had some Pokemon gifts for Christmas and he came in and wanted to open it right away.  I bought him some Pokemon cards and D-Bird, who is the Pokemon who delivers all of the gifts to the other Pokemon.

I pray every night and I read my bible every night.  I attend church every week.  It helps knowing that the Lord will always be there for me and answer my prayers.

Thanks for reading and I promise to post again soon.

New Year Changes

Let's start off by saying I hope this year goes better than the last one...here's hoping.

I've made quite a few mistakes and choices in the last few months and I am going to try my best to explain them to you all.

I am still living in Michigan, but instead of living with who I thought was my boyfriend, is now my roommate.  I am currently sleeping on a cot in the dining room area, waiting on a bed.  The room is big enough that it is comfortable for me.

I am also currently looking for a job, it doesn't matter what kind of job because I will take anything at this point.  I am also planning on getting my driver's license and a car by April or May and I will keep you updated on that.

...

The day before Christmas Eve, I decided to have 3 dates planned for one night.  I planned on making each of the dates about 2 - 3 hours long each but I only made it to two of the dates.  I had my first date with this guy Zeke who didn't even pay attention to me at all and almost left me alone at a mall, in the dark, not knowing where I was in the first place.  I had my second date with this guy Michael, but I ended up relapsing on alcohol again and making another big mistake that I won't tell you about, but on a side note, coconut rum and grapefruit juice do not mix.

I had a few drinks with my now roommate's family on Christmas Eve because it was the holiday.  Sue me.

I started talking to a few more guys on POF but decided to stop talking to guys right now until I get my life back on track.

I went to my first AA meeting this past Thursday and it was really relieving to give in the my faith and hope, give up my pride and face my reality.  I am planning on giving my testimony at church tomorrow as well.

I finally got everything I need to continue my hobbies such as freehand drawing, coloring and reading.  I also decided to give cross stitch a chance because it looked very fun and interesting, so I will see how that turns out.

I started taking some new diet pills that are also dietary supplements and help with water weight, but it is helping me get to where I want to be.  I have been taking all of my medications for a few months now.  I have been to the dentist once already a couple weeks ago and I am going to continue to go back until my teeth are fixed.  I have a treatment plan already set up and it is covered by my Medicaid insurance out here.  I am also going to the eye doctor to get a new eye prescription and new glasses that are not bent, and maybe get contacts soon as well.  I am also planning on budgeting to bleach and dye my hair back to blonde professionally at the local salon next month.
...

I am probably forgetting something and I know I just gave you a lot of information but again, here is to the new year!!  I love you all!!

Bye For Now

Hey everybody,

I am not going to post any blogs for a while. I need to get my personal life and problems straightened out but I will make another post starting every week, with the first one being an update but for now, I will talk to you all again in the first week after the new year.

I hope you all will keep being my faithful readers and I can't wait to post again later.  I want to hear in the comments what everybody's new year's revolutions are.  Thank you everyone...again.

My 5 Top Favorite Music Artists

Hey everyone, I am really sorry I haven't posted in quite a while but I know my readers will stick me me as I continue to post really cool stuff, right? Well,  this post isn't any different expect that I have picked my top 5 music artists that I currently listen to all the time now, so I am going to let you know the artists and their favorite songs of mine with pictures so you have more information about me.  Let's get started...

BIGBANG

Always
Bad Boy
Bae Bae
Bang Bang Bang
Beautiful Hangover
Blue
Fantastic Baby
Fxxt it

Flower Road
Haru Haru
If You
Koewokikasete
La-La-La

Last Dance
Last Farewell
Let's Not Fall In Love
Lies
Loser
Love Song
Monster
Sober
Still Alive
Stupid Liar
Sunset Glow
Tell Me Goodbye
Tonight
We Like 2 Party

We Belong Together

G-DRAGON (GD)

This Love
Heartbreaker
Breathe
One Of A Kind
Crayon
Coup D'Etat
Who You?
MichiGO
Crooked
That XX
Untitled, 2014

TAEYANG

Only Look At Me
Superstar
I Need A Girl
Wedding Dress
Eyes, Nose, Lips
Ringa Linga

SEUNGRI

Strong Baby
VVIP
Let's Talk About Love
Gotta Talk To You
1, 2, 3
Where R U From?

T.O.P.

Doom Dada
Turn It Up

DAESUNG

Wings (Today)

SUB UNIT

GD and TOP:

High High
Oh Yeah
Don't Go Home
Baby Goodnight
Knock Out
Zutter

GD and Taeyang:

Good Boy

FALL OUT BOY

A Little Less Sixteen Candles, A Little More Touch Me
American Beauty / American Psycho
Centuries
Dance, Dance
I Don't Care
Immortals
Irresistible
Sugar, We're Going Down
This Ain't A Scene, It's A G**D*** Arms Race
Thnks Fr Th Mmrs
Uma Thurman

.... this is still FOB, but it is exclusively from the album Save Rock and Roll....

The Youngblood Chronicles

The Phoenix
My Songs Know What You Did In The Dark ( Light Em Up )
Alone Together
Where Did The Party Go?
Just One Yesterday ft. Foxes
The Mighty Fall ft. Big Sean
Miss Missing You
Death Valley
Young Volcanoes
Rat A Tat ft. Courtney Love
Save Rock and Roll ft. Elton John

THE PRETTY RECKLESS

Going To Hell
Kill Me
Make Me Wanna Die
Heaven Knows
You
Just Tonight
My Medicine
Take Me Down

BLOOD ON THE DANCE FLOOR

.... don't listen to these songs with kids around.....

Call Me Master
Scream For My Ice Cream
S My D
It's On Like Donkey Kong
I <3 Hello Kitty
P. L. U. R.
Ima Monster

PANIC AT THE DISCO

I Write Sins Not Tragedies
The Ballad of Mona Lisa


Thank you guys for reading.  I know I posted a lot of song names but you don't have to listen to any of them if you feel offended by what I like.  I would just like to know which of my 5 music artists you like the best.

The Truth

Hey everyone, I am going to tell you a little about what has been going on the last few months concerning my health and weight.  I figured you guys would like to know if I am being honest.

As a few of you already know, I used to weigh 237 pounds but now I weigh about 150. I'm not totally sure because I usually go to the doctor every month, but I haven't been in a little over a month, so I could've lost a few pounds.  I canceled ketchup and salt from my diet and switched up the brand of mayo that I use.

Also, if I am being totally honest with all of you, I have these conditions; concerning my health and what it may or may not be helping me.

• Asthma
• Manic Depressive Bipolar
• Insomnia
• Anxiety
• Depression
• Iron Deficiency Anemia

I am sure I am forgetting something but my mind right now is kind of crazed.  I am also on 13 or 14 different medications but I am currently only taking my iron supplement pill. 

If any of you know the song that is the same as my title of this blog post, then we are good because that song pretty much sums up my life now.  At least, most of it.

Sorry for the short blog, next week will be better.

Thank you all for your friendship everyone.

I Moved

Let me tell you all about the last month of my life.

I first met my boyfriend online a little over 4 months ago.  About 3 months I was talking to my boyfriend about coming to visit him, in Michigan.  I stayed here for about 2 weeks when I decided I am going to stay.  I personally love the peacefulness and secularity of this town.  I don't plan on coming back, at least not for a while.

My mother, my grandmother, my two sisters and even my grandpa's 3rd wife ( I will not ever call her my grandma, she doesn't deserve that title, at least, not from me).

Here are some decisions I have had to make in the past month, and if you are really my friend, you will not judge me and accept that this is the life I have chosen for myself.  I have had a really shitty life up until now.  Before I even came out here, you all need to understand what my life was back at home.  My mother controlled my life, when I needed to put on body spray to when I ate...breakfast, lunch or dinner.  She even controlled every aspect of my son's life from when I changed his diaper to when he would eat and how much.

• I can have any kind of "fun" whenever I want to
• I can have any kind of alcohol whenever I want to, for now, I've only had a bottle of blueberry and a bottle of cherry vodka, 35% proof

and most importantly,

• I put my son Caleb in foster care.

If any of my friends are still my friends after this post, I really appreciate your friendship and thank you. I will try to post again next week, until then.